Whether they were on real or fictional people, or even people at all
L to R: Donatello the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, Johnathan Taylor Thomas, ALF. Photo: Getty Images, Everett Collection Your first crush, no matter how innocent, sets you up on a lifetime journey on the road of horniness. I had my first crush when I was 3.
Jonathan Taylor Thomas My first crush was on Jonathan Taylor Thomas, or as he is more commonly known in the crush world: JTT. He entranced me as Randy Taylor on Home Improvement; he delighted me as the voice of Simba in the Lion King; he was in the movie Tom and Huck, which I saw because he was in it. He was, oh my God, just so cute. I believe what attracted me to JTT was his raggedy blond hair, boyish face, and squeaky voice.
ALF My first crush looked like a three-foot turd with hair on it. He had a nose shaped like a dick with two holes on the tip. He was 285 years old and I was 8. His name was ALF. I remember watching the first episode of ALF while lying in bed with mom and dad and being terrified. The pilot began with his spaceship crashing onto the roof of the Tanner’s garage.
Dr. Ian Malcolm The year was 1993. I was 10, going on 11. Sure, I’d had crushes by this point, mostly on celebrities. There was R&B baby Usher. The musical trio Immature . There was Jonathan Taylor Thomas, the one true Tool Man. But something was about to change. I was in a movie theater, excited to dig into a scary movie called Jurassic Park. As I watched, I found myself feeling more than just fear. An actor by the name of Jeff Goldblum graced the screen as Dr.
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