Advice by Carolyn Hax: Is this a commitment issue, or a bad-taste-in-men issue?
Thanks to dating apps, there are so many options and I can’t help but think about the possibility there’s someone better for me out there — someone more caring, funnier, hotter, more in tune with me. It’s not like these thoughts are in the forefront the whole time, but I usually get six months or even a year into a relationship and as soon as we hit a few bumps, I start to wonder if I really found the right guy.
Sorry. So trite. But also so often, over and over and over again, the answer to someone who is darting around looking for something and feeling unfocused and unsatisfied. So often, the better answer than “figure out what you’re looking for” is “figure out why you’re looking so hard in the first place.” Whatever the reason, if you’re looking, then you’re by definition not fully present where you are.
Part of the reason is romantic-pragmatic. The person I suspect you will want to keep is the one you notice when you feel so right in your life as-is that you don’t feel a sense of urgency about adding anyone to it — until the person himself makes a case for that urgency. Until you can’t imagine life without him. Or just really really don’t want to.One thing I found helpful to accept long before getting married was there will ALWAYS be someone better out there.
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