Dear Anna, My partner and I have been together for a little over three years. Our relationship developed from an incredibly close friendship to more because she was there for me in a dark time, and I for her.
“Ask Anna” is a sex column. Because of the nature of the topic, some columns contain language some readers may find graphic.My partner and I have been together for a little over three years. Our relationship developed from an incredibly close friendship to more because she was there for me in a dark time, and I for her. About a year ago she found a new best friend who is completely reliant on her in every way.
These are all valid, worrisome scenarios, and from an outsider’s perspective, it seems like your partner has checked out of your relationship and stepped into another one. Some big changes need to be made here, SL, and they involve communicating better boundaries, unflinching honesty and some serious Needs Talks.What, if anything, have you said to your partner about your concerns and needs? If the answer is “not much,” that’s OK. It’s difficult to express your needs when you’re conflict-averse . But step one is to lay it all out for her. Tell your partner everything you’ve told me. Tell her you can’t keep going this way and you won’t.
Think about where your firm lines are, what you absolutely won’t accept, as well as areas that have more wiggle room. Then ask yourselfThat’s the other important part of this. Your boundariesbe tested. Again and again and again. Change doesn’t come easily or readily, and in many cases, if a person has spent months or years engaging in a certain behavior, that’s not going to stop overnight. So be prepared for pushback and that you’ll need to reiterate your boundaries repeatedly.
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