.billieeilish experienced panic attacks before a tour: 'I just couldn't take the fact that I had to leave again.'
and the way fame has reshaped the landscape of her life, allowing fans a glimpse into the mind of a singer whose dark, off-kilter music has shaken up the music industry and resonated with millions.started when a serious hip injury at age 13 forced her to give up dancing, a talent she'd been honing for years."I think that's when the depression started. It sent me down a hole," she said."I went through a whole self-harming phase — we don't have to go into it.
Billie shared that although she hasn't felt depressed in some time, those experiences linger in her memory and music. She sees echoes of them, as well, in the people who have connected with her songs."Sometimes I see girls at my shows with scars on their arms, and it breaks my heart. I don't have scars anymore because it was so long ago. But I've said to a couple of them, 'Just be nice to yourself.' Because I know. I was there."before Billie left for tour.
Billie loves what she gets to do:"I have an amazing job, dude. I really do. The things I get to do in my career have just been unbelievable." But she's also aware that her job"doesn't allow me to break down. I can't go cry somewhere, I can't go scream and be mad. I have to work."has helped, along with spending time with friends, horse riding, and prioritizing self-care when she can.
"I haven't been depressed in a minute, which is great," Billie said."Seventeen has probably been the best year of my life. I've liked 17."
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