A mom looks to steer her teenage daughter through some complicated friendship dynamics.
I’m seeking advice for myself, but also for my teenage daughter. My daughter “Sophie’s” best friend, “Lucy,” suddenly stopped talking to her last week, seemingly out of nowhere. Sophie has texted Lucy a few increasingly concerned messages, like, “You okay?” and, “Do you need to talk about anything? Is there anything you need?” Lucy gave no response for the first couple of days, then graduated to something like, “I’ll tell you when I’m ready.
I’ve told Sophie she should take this into account when deciding how close she wants to be to Lucy moving forward. Someone who deals with their feelings this way might take this tack in the future. Sophie has plenty of good friends; she doesn’t need to obsess over Lucy, and between you and me, she shouldn’t feel relieved that Lucy is speaking to her again.
Your giving Sophie such clear instructions is more lap dog training than badassery lesson, because you’re teaching her to take her cues from an outside authority — you — vs. developing a response for herself.Drawing Sophie’s ire is how Lucy learns, too, that her emotional reflexes just made her problems worse. You may not care much about Lucy here, but the quality of life in the village gets an upgrade with every parent who feels such a communal responsibility.
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