Oct 5, 2020 became one of the happiest days of my life when my first child arrived. I received a text from Stacy: “Congratulations, Michelle” — the last message I would ever receive from her.
Commentary: I lost my friend to suicide. 4 years on, here's how I'm dealing and raising awareness about suicide prevention Oct 5, 2020 became one of the happiest days of my life when my first child arrived.
I received a text from Stacy: “Congratulations, Michelle” — the last message I would ever receive from her.We now have a national strategy to tackle suicide in Singapore, but the workforce too should play an active part in suicide prevention.Although the number of suicides in Singapore has dropped from a high of 476 in 2022 to 322 in 2023, suicide risk in workplace settings is on the rise. On World Suicide Prevention Day , the author talks about what it was like to lose a dear friend to suicide, her own mental health battles, and why it's important for the workforce to play an active part in suicide prevention. Four years ago, Oct 5 became one of the happiest days of my life when my first child arrived. I received a text from my dear friend Stacy : “Congratulations, Michelle”. These words would be the last message I would ever receive from her. She took her own life two days later. As a vulnerable new mum undergoing confinement, my well-intentioned friends kept the news away from me. I missed the wake and, with it, my last chance to say goodbye.Every 40 seconds, someone somewhere in the world dies by suicide, leaving behind friends, family and loved ones to mourn them. Dealing with grief is never easy, but the particular grief that follows an unexpected loss through suicide is especially confusing and complex. It often involves a prolonged yet futile search for an explanation — making it extra challenging to contemplate and comprehend.Although the number of suicides in Singapore has dropped from a high of 476 in 2022 to 322 in 2023, we must refrain from resting on our laurels, or from even seeing this as a celebratory achievement. It is the painstaking, collective effort of those who walk this often-thankless path: Mental health professionals, social workers, community workers, advocates, and more. Hearteningly, we now have a national strategy to tackle suicide in Singapore. But the workforce too — leaders and team members alike — should play an active part in suicide prevention. Before her death, Stacy had been having a tough time at work. She worked in an education institution and often lamented about stressors such as admin and paperwork challenges, difficulties dealing with students, and struggles in communicating effectively with younger folks. She was also rapidly losing a sense of meaning in her job.Research increasingly shows that suicide risk in workplace settings is on the rise, especially among employees working in personal services such as health, construction and production, and agricultural sectors. In an OPPi survey published in July, 37 per cent of respondents revealed that they had contemplated suicide in the past year — of this group, 31.7 per cent were men and 41.4 per cent women, with work cited as the biggest stressor for women.Research increasingly shows that suicide risk in workplace settings is on the rise, especially among employees working in personal services such as health, construction and production, and agricultural sectors.Over the years, I’ve also fought my own fair share of invisible battles. At the peak of my career, I battled with burnout, bulimia and body dysmorphia, and soon realised that the workplace environment was severely lacking in support structures for mental health. Most of us spend most of our days at work. With the pace of work accelerating post-Covid, more of us are becoming burnt out and stressed.It’s baffling, but while there is less stigma around mental health these days, many organisations remain reluctant to talk about the uncomfortable. Because of how much time we spend together as coworkers, this environment is often the first in which we observe noticeable changes in people who are struggling. We must continue to strengthen support and education initiatives on mental health conditions such as depression, stress, anxiety, burnout. We must collectively push for positive advancement in Singapore workplaces through the elevation of mental health literacy, peer-to-peer support and crisis management skills. It’s my hope that workplaces can one day become open and willing to speak directly about suicide — so that leaders and employees do not reach the point where suicidal thoughts are even entertained as any sort of escape.Each person in the workplace isn’t just a coworker to us — they’re also a parent, spouse, child or friend to someone else. Losing one life to suicide has long been said to impact six people, but a 2018 study published in the American Association of Suicidology’s official journal finds that the true extent of this ripple effect can impact up to 135 others. These people may be in need of clinician services or support following exposure, noted the study.Because of how much time we spend together as coworkers, writes the author, this environment is often the first in which we observe noticeable changes in people who are struggling. We live in a world that is connected by technology, but increasingly disconnected. And while the causes of suicide is complex and multi-faceted, over-reliance on technology can potentially endanger the existence and growth of offline human connections that make up a full and rich life. Could we be courageous enough to seek more and do more? Could workplaces eventually become a “lifeline” to help human beings stay connected with life? Within the workplace itself, discriminatory and toxic behaviours must be systematically addressed, such as bullying, harassment, incivility, poor work-life balance, gruelling work conditions and unmanageable workloads. Bearing in mind that the biggest proportion of suicides are within the 20-29 age group, we must continue to develop strong psycho-social resilience and strengthen channels for communication and connection, so that our young adults never feel alone in their struggles.You may be reading this and thinking:"I’m just one person. How can I play a part?" As a first step, I urge you to meaningfully connect and check in with your loved ones. If you notice any of your friends, family or even colleagues starting to act strangely or differently, there’s never any harm in reaching out.This may sometimes seem awkward in a professional setting such as the workplace, but just asking “How are you?” or “How can I support you today?” can be a great start, letting others know you are willing to hold safe space for them to express things they may be struggling to voice. If you suspect a coworker may be responding badly to certain triggers within the workplace, consider extending them an invite to chat over a casual coffee or lunch outside the office. You may also consider equipping yourself with some basic knowledge and tools to support your peers and those around you, such as with initiatives from organisations like Samaritans of Singapore.Almost four years on from Stacy’s death, what I’ve learnt is that navigating grief and loss is never linear. Time may only reduce the intensity of the grief and pain, but it never truly fades away. The impact is deep, and I and many others like me will carry it for the rest of our lives. But, like some other survivors of suicide loss, I’ve found purpose in sharing my experience to champion for awareness and positive change. I also take heart in appreciating and savouring life’s transient beauty when I can, taking more time to connect with myself and loved ones more deeply, especially those whom I haven’t spoken to in a while. One life lost is too many. My hope is that sharing some of my pain will serve as a push for more to be done to address the unseen pains of others out there — because suicide is everyone’s business.Michelle Mah is a survivor of an eating disorder, bulimia, severe burnout, and postpartum challenges. She now curates courageous conversations as a mental wellness speaker, lecturer and advocate.Singapore Association for Mental Health Helpline: 1800 283 7019Subscribe to our newsletter for the top features, insights and must reads delivered straight to your inbox. By clicking subscribe, I agree for my personal data to be used to send me TODAY newsletters, promotional offers and for research and analysis.We know it's a hassle to switch browsers but we want your experience with TODAY to be fast, secure and the best it can possibly be.
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