“A lot of my patients will say, ‘Well, I trust them.' It’s not about trust.'
Maybe not the most steamy way to think about it, but you wouldn’t sign a lease or start a new job without understanding all the terms and conditions, would you? Same goes with new sexual relationships, says Tosha Rogers, MD, an ob-gyn in Atlanta.
“Put all the terms upfront,” she says. “Then you get to decide if you want to be a part of that relationship, even if it’s a casual one.”Those terms should include asking your partner about the last time they were tested for STIs, and then discussing both of your results in person. “A lot of my patients will say, ‘Well, I trust them,’” Dr. Rogers says. “It’s not about trust. He or she is probably very trust-worthy and a nice person. I just asked if they were HIV+ or not. Totally different questions!”Don’t wait until the clothes are hitting the floor to bring up your birth-control game plan. Instead, work it into an early-in-the-game conversation—say, when you’re talking about past relationships and the things that turn you on.
Cringing at the thought? Memorize this script compliments of Dr. Rogers: “Just say, ‘Hey, I’m on the pill. It regulates my period and I know that I won’t get pregnant, and for all the other stuff, are you OK with using condoms?’ All of those things need to be negotiated, and that’s why I tell my patients to do it early on: to see if this is a deal you want to make or not.
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