From the Archives: Pregnancy loss is a common part of women's reproductive lives. Learning how women in different cultures process the experience can help all of us find meaning in misfortune.
Charlotte’s* tattoo, a black etching of a feather, is strikingly beautiful—but it also evokes sadness. She got it as a reminder of her devastating miscarriage, when she lost a baby seven weeks into her pregnancy. The idea for the tattoo came after she was picnicking with her sister and niece, she told me. “I had a very strong sense of the baby, like my sister and I were in the park with our babies as life should be. A little while later a feather went by,” she explained.
Today, conversations around miscarriage in the U.K. are opening up thanks to people like Charlotte. Pregnancy loss support groups and other organizations, such as the Miscarriage Association and the Mumsnet Miscarriage Care Campaign, have been instrumental in changing public and medical perspectives on pregnancy loss.
Most of the British women talked about losing “dreams” and an imagined life. As a hopeful mother named Alison said, “I was really, really upset, and, obviously, I’d imagined a whole future for that baby, and they’ve told you all your dates, and everything, when to expect everything, and that’s now just not happening.”
The Qatari women we met were sad following a miscarriage, but in many cases, they were practical and did not dwell on the loss. The issue of miscarriage was not silenced in Qatar like it historically has been in the U.K.—most women knew of others who had miscarried. Reproduction is a central aspect of women’s role in Qatar: Women are expected to have large families—and often have a desire for them—and, thus, many of them experience multiple pregnancies.
Qatari women view their miscarriages as being God’s will and part of God’s plan. Another woman, Kholoud, explained: “You don’t know what your child will grow up to be: He may grow up to be disabled or a corrupted person or disobedient, or he may kill his parents. So Allah didn’t want him to be born because he wants the best for you. We believe in this, and this is why we stay strong when we have such experiences.
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