'Recovery requires the constant, intentional practice of self-love.' DivineRenewal shares her powerful story of overcoming anorexia. realwomenrealstories
documenting the lived experiences of women along their health journeys. Please always consult your health care professional with personal concerns or questions.was a disease that develops in overachievers, especially young girls who put pressure on themselves. I was in treatment for eating disorders at a Toronto hospital, having starved myself since I was 14. The therapist explained that society exerts pressure on women by portraying female beauty as a picture-perfect size zero.
The trauma of this experience, along with the cold welcome at my uncle's house, was the origin of my disordered eating. My single mother worked in a factory and I was left home alone most of the day. Trying to do something worthwhile, I took control of the amount of food I ate. I enjoyed the high I felt when I skipped a meal and soon became addicted to thatrush. Starving myself gave me a sense of success and control, when I'd previously felt helpless.
The smell and sight of food began to disgust me. Some days all I had was water. I was cold all the time — not just my hands and feet, but my entire body. I became more isolated and withdrawn, too weak to breathe normally. With little reserves, I began experiencing abnormalMy mother and I lived on the second floor, and I would huff and puff my way up the stairs. I spent my days and nights staring out the window in my room, and it was there I started feeling the irregular heartbeats.
Should I have told my doctors that my anorexia was a suicide attempt? That I sometimes felt such self-hatred I'd scratch my body so the physical pain would distract me from the pain inside?
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