Dear Care and Feeding: I'd much rather focus on my newborn right now. My MIL has other ideas for me.
One thing people really can’t stand is a woman who is happy with her body! Diet culture and our fatphobic society tell us we must always be striving and starving for a “better” aka smaller body, so to those people it feels like you’re somehowwhen you decide to opt out of a system that is actively making them miserable.
The troll in me wants to tell you to take her up on her babysitting offers so you can go places other than the gym, like, I don’t know, The Cheesecake Factory? Moving your body is obviously great and good for you, but it really doesn’t sound like it’s your physical health your mother-in-law is worried about. Your decision to prioritize this precious and fleeting time with your new baby over doing an hour on the Stairmaster is a perfectly good and reasonable decision.
I’m so glad you brought up the “good enough” mother. This concept was first introduced to me by an excellent addiction therapist and I found it to be extremely helpful. The theory, as you said, comes from Donald Woods Winnicott, a pediatrician and psychoanalyst who introduced it in 1953. According to the good doc, you do not have to be a perfect mother in order to raise a well-adjusted child. The
and children over 12 be screened for depression. Some kids are going to have their own struggles with mental health and other issues, in childhood or later on. My son has been to meetings with me since he was young enough to be worn in a carrier, he knows I’m in therapy, he knows I take medication to “help keep my brain healthy,” and he knows I used to have trouble when I drank alcohol, so I stopped.
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