Dear Moneyist, I'm 34 and have aggressively saved so I can retire by 40. My girlfriend does not have the same financial goals. I assumed my future wife would participate in the saving phase, not just the spending phase.
I’m on FIRE! I am a 34-year-old from Connecticut and have been dating my girlfriend, who I love, for two years. I am considering getting married, but I have financial concerns.
My girlfriend, who is 32, does not share the same financial goals. She is not bad with money , but despite being a successful hard-working woman she is not a saver. She just started contributing to a retirement account last year, she has very little savings, and no investments. I also assumed my future wife would participate in the saving phase — not just the spending phase. I respond by telling her that if she plans on retiring early as well then she should start saving towards that goal. If she does not want to retire early , then she should plan on just continuing to work. My biggest concern is if she does not contribute to the saving phase, she will not have any appreciation for the early retirement and, ultimately, spend us back into employment.
This is far less serious, of course, mostly because you are already ahead of the game and you don’t expect your girlfriend to have the same amount of savings as you. However, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect her to make an effort to contribute, even if she’s not in a position to catch up. If she did want to join you on your life of hard-won leisure as a fellow F.I.R.E. aficionado, she should at least contribute something. I agree. It’s not a lot to ask.
One line from your letter jumped out at me for its clarity and succinctness: “I also assumed my future wife would participate in the saving phase — not just the spending phase.” That one sentence sums up the imbalance in your relationship. If you suspect that she has other priorities now, and refuses to give up anything because she believes you will pick up the slack later on, it’s highly likely that this scenario will repeat itself in all sorts of ways over the years.
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