Like many of his peers, Alex, 33, craves companionship and a family of his own in future. But his disability is not the only challenge. He must ...
It was 2007, and he was 20. He was having dinner with a friend’s sister, Jane, when the teenager told him of her feelings. His immediate response was: “Are you crazy?”He tells CNA Insider: “I was totally shocked that a perfectly able-bodied human being would come and tell me that she has feelings for me.”
While his classmates played during recess, he remained in the classroom, copying notes and trying to catch up on lessons. The trouble he had controlling his hands had made him slower than everybody else. “My parents were naturally concerned because of my condition,” says Alex, who does not blame them as they were doing the best they could.
He considered it carefully and, with the encouragement of his friends, agreed. “They told me … the least I could do is give her a chance. And I also thought, if I don’t try, I’ll never know,” he says. As Jane was living overseas, returning to Singapore only during semester breaks, the couple did not get much time together. They had to rely on the phone and online chats like Skype to communicate.
“I was angry, and I told them that if I really had issues, I was sure my partner would have other ways to get things done,” he recounts. At that point, with both youngsters studying and without serious jobs, he wanted to be sure they could “stand on their own feet” first. But there are times when self-doubt creeps in, for example the times he bites the bullet and approaches women he meets through his advocacy work.“It’s just like … ‘No, I don’t think we’ll match,’” he says. “They’re not like my first relationship … someone who says, okay, let’s give it a try and see how it goes.”“Rejections are part of life, but I think I’ve heard rejections too many times for too many things, and I just don’t want to hear it for this kind of thing,” he says.
“But my dream has always been to be with a non-disabled person — not because I want to show off, but because I know the extent of my disability, and I know that I need someone to take care of me.”“If you want to put your disability at the forefront, then of course things would be difficult,” she says. “But if you choose to … more than your disability, then it shouldn’t be a problem.”
Thinking about friends his age who are married with children, he adds: “Maybe my life would be different if I didn’t have a disability.” Over the years, he has worked at building up his independence. Through therapy, which began when he was three months old, he can now handle tasks such as showering himself or bending down to pick up things.
Lim says: “He wanted to make clothes that are ... easy for him to put on, so that when he finds a partner, he can take care of himself and not have to burden her.” The two have developed a friendship that has blossomed since they began working together at the start of the year, and Lim is excited that he is thinking of a life partner.‘WE’RE THINKING ABOUT MARRIAGE’
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