'Somewhere in the chaos of my 20s, I had lost my sense of self. I had so readily become an 'us', embroiling myself in the narrative arc of a strong male protagonist, that I had no clue where I wanted my own story to head.'
It’s the middle of the afternoon as my mother leads me to a secluded bench in our local park, away from the murmurs of ordinary life around us. I usually love this space but on this day I don’t want to see or hear any of it. I feel so far from myself that the happy cries of the children surrounding us barely even register.
During those first few days, everything reminded me of him. The smell of fresh coffee in the morning, the sight of the bike he patiently assembled for me in a happier time – even a comment from my mother about how well I cut vegetables leaves me sobbing over the kitchen counter, crying:"He taught me how."The breakdown of a relationship rarely rests entirely on the shoulders of one person, even if it is placed there.The truth is that he taught me a lot.
When we hear of life-changing moments, the significant breakthroughs that people have after a difficult experience, they sound vividly important: a monumental landmark in a personal map of a life. My turning point was comparatively subtle. For weeks, mundane tasks felt like mountains to climb. I couldn’t think of where to go, what to wear, what would bring me any joy.
From then, I chose to sit with the discomfort and loneliness of the place I had unwillingly landed until I got to know myself again.
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