Is the way we look at failure in school harmful to children's development? Let's talk about how to re-frame it and fail successfully.
We have to frame failure as a part of the process or as a prompt to look at what is or is not working., maybe all at once. But failure is essential to learning and growth, and we can unlock the power of failure when we learn how to navigate it. Teaching our children these skills early on gives them invaluable tools for life.
Babies fail all the time. Those shaky baby hands reach for their mouths thousands of times before they can do it consistently. They babble and toddle endlessly until those first words and steps. While we continue to learn new things throughout our lifespan, All kids fail as part of growth, but children vary widely in their individual growth curves. Children who learn to speak earlier than others may take longer to jump and skip, or vice versa, and everything in between. For the most part, we accept that failures are essential to growth. As children grow and start to participate in activities such as sports, dance, or playing an instrument, we can see the link between failures and success.
Unfortunately, this understanding of failing successfully seems to get lost somewhere at the schoolhouse door. Reading, writing, and math require many failed attempts before success. When a child gets a 50 percent on a spelling quiz, though, we will often jump to the conclusion that this failure means they aren’t trying hard enough or they don’t care. The gold star for the student who got 100 percent is great for them, but the 50 percent is no less important to learning..
Our focus on good grades, with success at all costs and failure as the enemy, creates cascades of problems. Students end up defining themselves by their grades, and they perceive even the slightest failures as an indictment of theiror effort. This can lead to endless internal loops of “I’m not doing enough" or “I’m not smart enough.
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