TOKYO—Acknowledging its embarrassment over worldwide outbreaks of violent, uncontrolled regurgitation, the Japanese government apologized Wednesday to the millions of viewers who have been sickened over the past three decades by the revolting depravity of the nation's pornographic exports.
Officials have already met with leaders of Japan's $5.5 billion adult entertainment industry in an attempt to develop regulations that conform to some small standard of basic human decency. Attending the talks were the heads of several major studios, including WoundSexerCo, Maid Molest Universal, Innocent Schoolgirl Despoil Youngest Daughter Lips Plunder Incest Distribution, and Sunrise-Rape-Rape-Nihon.
In what may signal a chastening within the industry, leading film producer Golden Dawn Global issued a press release this week voicing its "humility and bewilderment" and offering to cease international distribution of its blockbuster series, a 23-part epic that has reportedly left thousands of viewers feeling repulsed, defiled, and forever doubtful about the inherent goodness of mankind.
"An apology from the government is fine, but how will they address the trauma I've already suffered?" asked Dallas resident Carter Landismann, citing the film. "This stuff is disgusting. Like this scene here, with the latex-covered girl and the wolf and—oh, God, I'm gonna be sick again!"Although none of the studios would discuss paying reparations to those violated and debased by their offerings, they were eager to hear feedback from viewers.
"I feel just awful that our work was received in this fashion," said Takuya Ishiyama, creative director of Shonen Young Forcible Jump. "But I know we can generate content more suitable for an international audience, perhaps by removing some of the characters who get off by choking on vomit they've drunk from a rubber tube inserted into their partner's stomach.
"So just to be clear: even the cartoon tentacle-rape stuff?" Nakai asked. "Even though it's only animated and the probing tentacles are clearly not real?"
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