Iris Tuares Pahilga left her then two-year-old son in the Philippines to carve out a better life for her family. She tells CNA Women of the heartbreak of missing his milestones and seeing him only once a year, in this Mother’s Day series on unconventional motherhood.
“It’s very hard to be away from him,” Iris Tuares Pahilga said as she stared at the photos of her 10-year-old son on her phone. “But I talk to him every day.”
She has now worked for seven years for the Tang-Ling family, caring for twins Scarlett and Sovereign since they were born in 2019. During Pahilga's early years as a domestic helper in Saudi Arabia and Singapore, Aries was initially very shy during their video calls. Who’s helping him with his homework? Does he get into trouble? Is he doing well in his studies? Does he have friends? Are his friends good? Pahilga replays these questions in her head every day, waiting sometimes impatiently for her one-hour video call with him where she can ask him directly.
Pahilga cooks for the Tang-Ling family every day and includes Filipino dishes in the menu to share her culture with the household. “I always think of Aries when I see Scarlett and Sovereign,” Pahilga said. “I see them play at the playground and do schoolwork, and I miss my son even more because I don’t get to play with him, I don’t get to see him at school.”“I can tell he gets jealous sometimes,” she said.
These all make up a strong emotional support system which Pahilga said helps her when she’s struggling.What’s it like to be a mother who has to leave her child behind to take care of other children overseas? Iris Tuares Pahilga left her then two-year-old son in the Philippines to carve out a better life for her family.
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