'It’s just murder for murder. You're just killing one more person and creating this whole set of victims.'
, and I remember Susan Sarandon saying, “I want the last thing you see to be eyes of love.” I decided right then and there I was going to be there. I had to fight him; he didn’t want me to be there. Obviously, he was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to handle it. And my son actually witnessed it with me. He was 18 at the time. He was like, “Mom, you’re not going through this by yourself.” And I’m like, “man, this is going to change you.” And he’s like, “yeah, but we have no choice.
Then the next morning, we went through the execution. I had thought that you’d get to see them. On television, you get this family meeting before they go, right? You’d say your goodbyes, and all that. But one day I asked, “When do I get my final meeting where I can hug him and all that?” One of the attorney assistants goes, “Oh, that doesn’t happen in Arizona.” I’m like,AdvertisementI was dating someone at the time, Jason, and he drove us there.
If I were to be really honest, I would say that I shut down the processing of it completely in the beginning. What happens is so clinical, so sterile, so wrong, that there’s no words. It’s so weird and dark and surreal. You can’t manage it other than just to shut it down. And there was no one to talk to who really knew. After witnessing the execution, there was literally nobody. We met with one counselor who the attorneys sent over.
I wanted to. I went back and forth. Finally, I went out and just walked out the building. Jason took me home.about how it affected me. All my friends that they interviewed had saidIt just created this feeling inside of me that if one more bad thing happened that hurt my heart, I would beThe biggest thing is, I’ve never been able to feel love for new people.
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