'I always thought Mom was terrific. I never thought of her as courageous. I was wrong,' John Brackney writes of his mother, Jan, who used Colorado’s Medical Aid in Dying law to take her own life on Feb. 22.
Jan Brackney, 91, holds hands with her youngest son, John, at her home in Centennial on Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2023. Brackney had started the process of using Colorado’s Medical Aid in Dying law. My mom, Jan Brackney, had a lovely common life with glimpses of the extraordinary. On Feb. 22, she died like she lived, with full intention and resolution.
Even in death, at age 91, with her health deteriorating, she was intentional. Mom had very clear goals for her death: 1) she did not wish to die alone, 2) she did not wish to die in pain 3) she wanted to die in her own home of 56 years. 4) she wished to leave some assets to her children and grandchildren. Mom was clear in these goals and repeatedly told family, friends, and her doctors over decades.When she had a severe stroke in late January, I effectively moved into my childhood room.
Americans should talk about living and dying more and better. We don’t do this well in our culture, and Jan Brackney asked me — several times — to write about her life and death so that others could live well and die with dignity. In her final days, I read her my rough draft for this column — it was her wish — and as always, she got her way despite my struggle to write about a death I was dreading.
When her body continued deteriorating, primarily due to congestive heart failure and related issues, she was clear with her doctors. She knew her body was giving out, and she continually asked her doctors and me to help end her life when it was time. I visited her again in the morning and she was better – hurray! But that afternoon with my brother, she had a major stroke.My brother didn’t call 911; he just kept her comfortable until I arrived. As her Medical Power of Attorney, I called Kaiser, not for treatment for her stroke or diagnosis, but for a referral for palliative care.In addition to weakening and lack of ability to control her right arm and left leg, Mom had speech aphasia.
She listened and smiled often. She laughed with some exasperation all day when her attempts at sentences turned into gibberish due to the aphasia from the stroke. She insisted on slowly dictating thank you notes to all her friends and family who had taken the time to write her letters.
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