Perspective: “My mother’s obsession with weight is not unique. Researchers have studied how a mother’s restricted eating habits can affect her children, particularly daughters.”
Growing up in Iran, she saw in every example that a woman’s beauty was her power. To her, it was a fundamental part of being a woman — to be seen, you had to be thin and beautiful.I was her firstborn and her only daughter. I started out thin and tall for my age. But when I was 13, things changed. My house was filled with marital strife.
“For most of us, our mothers are our first contact not just about what we should eat or how we should look but what it means to be a girl or a woman,” said Charlotte H. Markey, psychology professor at Rutgers University and author ofMy mother’s eating habits have centered on restriction and deprivation her entire life, which is something she has in common with a generation of mothers.
“Steps you can take to work toward healing include understanding what the other person is wounded by, taking ownership of your part in that and genuinely asking for forgiveness,” Spotts-De Lazzer said. “When the person knows they are understood, they can feel safe to potentially become close to you again.”
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