Many single Singaporeans dread the onslaught of relatives' questions about their love lives during Chinese New Year. Junior doctor Faye Ng Yu Ci offers a new perspective on handling this pressure.
At big family gatherings, many single young Singaporeans dread fending off nosy relatives' questions about their love life (or lack thereof). Here's how junior doctor Faye Ng Yu Ci is choosing to reframe this for herself this year. Even for those of us who are initially unfazed by our lack of romantic prospects, mounting pressure from our loved ones can put us ill at ease.
Chinese New Year is upon us - the period where many of us who are unattached dread the prospect of fending off nosy relatives, whose questions about our love lives (or lack thereof) sometimes fringe on intrusive. As a junior doctor working in the public health system, some of my fellow single colleagues would rather volunteer to be on call for hospital duty over the Chinese New Year holidays, than sit through endless visitations where they’re grilled by relatives about their singlehood.As modernised as Singapore is, finding a romantic partner here is still a communal affair in many ways. For many young adults, our friends and families often want to meet and approve of who we’re seeing. Meeting the parents is widely considered a milestone that “establishes” the relationship. And when we’re single, our relatives take it upon themselves to help us scout for our match made in heaven, the heat intensifying as the clock ticks down. A 26-year-old friend of mine has never had a boyfriend - a fact that inspires concern from many of her relatives. “Finding a good husband is key to a successful and happy future,” one of her aunts told her, urging her to find a man soon. Human beings are social creatures by nature; we long for companionship. The Singapore Perspectives 2024 survey found that among Singaporeans aged 21 to 34, even though 74 per cent of women and 64 per cent of men feel that it’s not necessary to get married, 60 per cent of women and 77 per cent of men still foresee marriage in their future. In discussing these results, the Institute of Policy Studies’ Kalpana Vignehsa suggested that while marriage is no longer central to identity for Singaporean youths, it continues to be desirable.Commentary: Don't judge young Singaporeans for having little interest in dating This seems to be true for my friend as well, who confided: “It’s not that I don’t want to get married. I just haven’t found someone suitable yet.” Yet, for now, she is content to remain single, “if that means meeting the right person later down the line”.initially unfazed by our lack of romantic engagements , mounting pressure from our loved ones can put us ill at ease. We start feeling anxious that time is running out, becoming insecure and doubtful of our romantic prospects. This adds pressure to the dating game. With the silent expectation of each new connection turning into something more, we leave less and less room for things to develop organically. Dating, as with any relationship, loses its shine when it becomes too goal-oriented.Those in their 20s and 30s will be familiar with this routine: Every weekend, Instagram posts of someone getting down on one knee and diamond rings on fingers, against backdrops of pristine lakes or snow-capped mountains, captured by friends, family, or even a professional photographer. Our filtered social media feeds inundate us with picture-perfect poses and captions waxing lyrical about relationships and marriages. Sentimental, romantic, and looking oh so easy. It can often feel like we’re the only ones struggling to land a date, work through a floundering relationship, or heal from a heart-wrenching break-up. We keep waiting for our Prince Charming (or Princess) to appear - and grow a little more despondent with each passing day they don’t.While marriage is no longer central to identity for Singaporean youths, it continues to be desirable. (Photo: CNA/Raj Nadarajan) On social media, seldom does the mundane get reflected, much less the unpleasant and disagreeable. If we take what we see there as whole, complete representations of love and dating, our understanding of relationships can become warped, airbrushed and unrealistic.want or value – “This is what my partner should do to make me feel special”, or “These are the kinds of places my partner should take me on dates”. In a digital age where our online presence is increasingly staged and performed for a virtual audience, perhaps the solution is to look deeper inward and evaluate what truly matters to us.Just a few decades ago, our romantic partners were confined to a small pool of acquaintances from the physical spaces we occupy: School, work, our neighbourhoods, and so on. Today, online dating platforms such as apps have expanded our range of options exponentially. We now have the ability to swipe through hundreds of profiles in one sitting - people we wouldn’t have crossed paths with otherwise. They don’t even have to be in the same city or countr
SINGAPORE CHINESE NEW YEAR DATING FAMILY PRESSURE SINGLES RELATIONSHIPS SINGAPOREAN CULTURE
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