“How do I confront her without making it seem like a personal attack?”
I started working at my current job about eight months ago. My team is small — it’s just me and my boss, who’s the director — and we have many projects that require us to work with other teams within the company. Most of the time, we’re asking people from other teams to take time out of their daily workload to assist us. Asking people to jump in on projects is not always easy, especially when it feels like everyone is bogged down with a tremendous workload.
I wish I could say this is an isolated incident, but Jane has asked me to do things like this before, like abruptly calling people to demand something that could wait until they’re able to email her back. I’ve told Jane that people get frustrated by this, but I’ve watered it down significantly. I haven’t shared how angry people get, mostly because I’m worried she’ll throw a fit, or even worse, confront them, which could damage my relationships with those co-workers.
Jane sounds like she’s the type of person who sends an email and then pops at your desk a minute later, saying, “Did you see my email?” And there is a reason those people are considered universally aggravating. I hear you that you’re worried it could damage your relationships with people if you tell Jane how angry they are and then she goes and confronts them. One way to address that is to ask their permission first. The next time someone expresses anger to you about Jane’s demands, you could say, “Do you mind if I share with Jane how frustrated you are? I think it could be useful for her to hear that.”
But if you do want to try the big-picture conversation, you could try saying this: “I’ve been getting the strong sense that people are really frustrated when we call them about questions we’ve already emailed them, or when we push them to respond immediately without accounting for other priorities they have on their plates, and I worry it’s damaging our relationships.
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