After years of struggling with schizophrenia, trauma and grief, Amy Kang found empowerment as a delivery food rider, a job that allows her to take care of her health, be a mental health advocate and spend time with her 15-year-old son. She shares her journey with CNA Women.
The first time I heard voices in my head, I was 19. It was 1994 and I was studying business administration at Singapore Polytechnic . I didn’t know it at that time, but it was a sign of schizophrenia.
Months later, when I was on the top floor of the business block at SP, the voices in my head returned. They told me to take the potted plant by the railing and drop it from that height. They told me it was the right thing to do, and I believed them. I am now 48 and the voices in my head are still there sometimes. They tell me to do ridiculous and even dangerous things, like jumping off a high floor to fly or to start throwing heavy things around my house.
In my teens and 20s, life was messy. I managed to graduate with my diploma but things at home were hard. My parents had little money and they would fight almost every day. But they, especially my late mum, did all they could for me. In 2008, I got pregnant with my son. It was one of the best things to happen to me, yet, I could not be the best mum to him.
Though I couldn’t give him a lot of time, we were together. It took time to fix my absence, but we got closer and formed a stronger bond.Inspired by her own mother, Loretta Chen wrote a book about the mums who fall between the cracksI experienced some of my lowest moments in 2018 and 2019. My husband and I were no longer talking. When we did talk, we would fight. I also struggled with my part-time jobs and during some periods, I was jobless.
The programme saved me. It helped me better understand my mental illness and how I could take care of myself – because I am my own caregiver. The first time I spoke to the counsellors, I shared my troubles about my schizophrenia, my marriage, and being a mother. The counsellors helped me realise I experienced grief and trauma in my younger years; it felt like a heavy burden was lifted off my shoulders. I remember breaking down in tears.I was more outgoing by then and I was invited by CAL to give talks to schools and organisations about my schizophrenia and how I dealt with it during difficult periods in my life.
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