How to find a “high-safety” group to get you through tough times ❤️🩹
To Chan, finding support after a breakup starts with doing a mental scan of the people in your sphere and assessing their level of safety. “If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells [around them], they’re what’s called ‘low safety,’” says Chan. “You can't be yourself. They're judgmental. They have mood swings and sometimes are critical or even emotionally abusive.
By contrast, “high-safety people” allow you to be your full self and to feel accepted in their presence, says Chan, “which helps rewire your brain and create the necessary neural pathways for trust and connection.” As a result, they’re the ones who can really function as your support system post-breakup—which is why Chan suggests increasing the time you spend with these high-safety people, while also minimizing your exposure to low-safety folks.and clearly communicating those boundaries.
In other cases, the boundary might be a little more flexible—where you’re not cutting them out entirely for a period of time, but instead just setting some ground rules about how you’d like them to act or speak around you post-breakup. Maybe you just need an open ear to vent or someone to hug, and you don’t want any advice. Or maybe you really would prefer for themto share with you what they saw your ex doing on social media the other day, says Chan.
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