Three things with Nazeem Hussain: ‘please don’t make this sound sexual’

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Three things with Nazeem Hussain: ‘please don’t make this sound sexual’
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  • 📰 GuardianAus
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In our weekly interview about objects, the comedian shares his love of massage guns, and a sad childhood story of loss

Nazeem Hussain will bring a new standup comedy show“I’m really bad at describing my standup shows,” he says, trying to explain it. “Australia? My existential crisis? Australia’s existential crisis? It’s a lot of questions that I have and no real answers.”The Adelaide Fringe shows are part of what will be – Covid-willing – the comedian’s first national tour since the pandemic struck.

Here, he tells us about the life-improving qualities of that “nonsexual” device, as well as the story of two other important personal belongings.I’d save my massage gun. I bought it on a whim in 2020 from an ad on either Facebook or Instagram. There’s usually a huge endorphin rush with purchasing things online and it’s all downhill from there – when it arrives, it’s meant to underwhelm you. But this was the opposite – the massage gun has made every night happier.

They’re also good for work. I’ve got a nice home office setup now, but I used to like working in cafes and libraries. And the one thing that quarantines my space is the headphones.A bike. When I was in year six or seven, I saved up all my pennies over maybe two years and bought this brand new bike. It was a Malvern Star, and it cost $350.For my first ride I thought, I’ll go and buy my mum something. So I went to Woolworths to get her some milk and eggs.

I went into the shop for five minutes, came out and there was just a chain hanging there. My bike was gone, and so were those two people. I had to walk home with the milk and eggs and the helmet still on my head. So I just hope they didn’t injure themselves riding home without a helmet on my brand new bike.

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