Time: 10:47 A.M. Distance: Three miles, to food co-op Price: $38.86 Reason: If you’re willing to pay $6.99 for a pound of asparagus, then you’re willing to pay $38.86 for a ride to said asparagus.
: We know that airport parking is fourteen dollars per day. We know that your return flight from Raleigh is in seven days, and that fourteen times eight equals ninety-eight dollars.
We know that you’re visiting Raleigh to say goodbye to your dying grandmother and that the hassle of airport parking is just too much at a time like this. We know that your grandmother is dying from heart disease and now you’re afraid that you might develop it, too. We know that you will actually die in a collision with a runaway golf cart in 2045. We know everything.
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