The Onion tells you what you need to know about the attack on Pelosi’s husband.
A: The kind that make someone drive to Nancy Pelosi’s house with a hammer.A: No, the attacker’s grasp of conspiracies doesn’t rise to that level of sophistication.A: Pelosi is reportedly disgusted by her colleagues offering utterly meaningless thoughts and prayers.
A: Social media users are already debating the possibility of a second hammerer.A: Create meaningful legislation to provide mental healthcare to marginalized members of society and travel back in time 50 years or so to implement it.A: Yes, but he’ll never open the door to someone holding balloons and a giant check ever again.
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