'In talking about this subject, I have been called selfish, indulgent, insensitive, uncaring, unintelligent, and unwomanly for making this decision.'
No Kidding TWO DAYS BEFORE the surgery, I realized I needed to tell more people that I would be out of commission for a little while. I’d been fielding the usual requests—“Lunch soon?” “Drinks next week?”—over text individually, but I was growing a little weary. As I stood in line at the pharmacy to pick up a prescription for painkillers, I just wanted to be able to focus on this big thing I was doing. And that meant telling people to back off for a while.
DECIDING WHAT I WANTED I don’t remember the precise moment when I realized that I didn’t want to have biological children. But I do remember when I realized that I probably should want them, at least according to everyone else. “I love kids!” said one of the other girls. “I can’t wait to have babies.” Many of the other young women nodded in agreement as the subject turned to their future families. Oh no, I thought. I do not identify with this at all.
We make babies. It’s what we do. Anything that seeks to shake up that division of labor—puns!—has been resisted at every turn. It is why abortion, which is just medical science, has remained one of the most aggressively politicized procedures of the last 45 years, and why the idea that an employer might have to cover birth control pills became a matter for the Supreme Court to address. In our hearts, many of us just believe that anything that keeps women from having children is a Bad Thing.
Because I have thought about this. A lot. Probably a lot more than people who had children thought about their choice. Or at least about the same. The biggest reason why I don’t want kids is that I believe this is too big of a decision to get wrong. It’s too big of a decision to make based on what other people think I should do, or what would make people around me the most comfortable. It’s too big of a decision to make based on what I’m supposed to want.
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