'The first thing he did was stuff a handful of pennies in his mouth and then spit them out as the officer approached the car.'
Everyone is in favor of keeping drunk drivers off the road, but no one ever wants to think of himself as falling into that category. For this reason, we adore the notion of little easy-to-do tricks that will keep us, the occasional over-indulgers, from being rounded up and tossed into the hoosegow as if we were actual miscreants who make our roads dangerous. It’s not for those lawless killers who routinely get totaled than slip behind the wheel of a car, you understand.
Older breathalyzers measured the chemical reaction between the amount of alcohol expelled on the breath and the contents of a vial in a breathalyzer machine. Newer machines measure breath alcohol by the process of infrared absorption, which entails passing an infrared light wave through a sample chamber containing the subject’s breath, then measuring the drop in the intensity of the light and using that to calculate the amount of alcohol in the subject’s breath.
Folks have done many strange things over the years in an effort to beat the machine. In a case heard in an Alberta courtroom in March 1985, 28-year-old Dave Zurfluh, who was stopped on suspicion of driving while under the influence, ate his undershorts in the belief they would soak up the excess alcohol in his system. According to Constable Bill Robinson, the arresting officer, he heard “some ripping and tearing” from the back of the cruiser.
In March 2005, a 59-year-old accused drunk driver in Ontario tried to foil a police breathalyzer by stuffing his mouth full of feces. He had been taken to the police station for testing, where he grabbed a handful of his own waste “and placed it in his mouth, attempting to trick the breathalyzer machine,” said Sgt. James Buchanan of the South Simcoe Police. It didn’t work. The machine registered two readings of intoxication from samples the suspect provided.
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