Meet the therapist helping people power though their housekeeping guilt.
It’s powerful when you stop judging whether you should be struggling with something. Because we tend to think that the only things we’re allowed to struggle with are things that “deserve” our creativity or adaptivity. If someone breaks their leg and it’s hard for them to move around, they typically don’t have any problem coming up with all kinds of creative, out-of-the-box ideas to help themselves.
But of course, the problem is that you make these plans imagining you’d be a different person. We do this huge overhaul of something, with all of these new habits, and we’re not thinking about who we are, what our personal barriers and privileges are, what our preferences are, what our energy levels are like. It does feel good for a little bit, whether you keep it up for a few days or a few weeks, because it’s almost like you’re cosplaying an adult that has it all together.
Those are very real messages that people around us give us. Oftentimes, parents, grandparents, extended family … there are a lot of familial and cultural reasons why they might say this. I think, for women in particular, we’re really only three generations removed from when women were completely dependent on their husbands, couldn’t open a bank account, if they got divorced they wouldn’t get custody of their children.
And in some families there’s another dynamic, which is you have to have a clean house or people will think that you are poor.
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