The toxicity of bad relationships can affect you long term -- even after the relationship is over. But there are ways to overcome the negativity, according to this psychologist:
Few things feel as freeing as leaving a truly toxic relationship. It’s such a relief to escape the constant criticism, continual conflict, and emotional manipulation. But what if you discover that you’ve taken the poison with you?
Unfortunately the toxicity of bad relationships very often outlasts the relationship itself, like a “gift that keeps on giving” long after the relationship is over. Maybe you find that you’ve internalized the harsh voice of an emotionally abusive parent, and now your self-talk carries the same messages and tone that you parent’s did. Perhaps you find that your ex-spouse’s harsh judgments of you are coloring your relationship with your current partner.
The dynamics we experience and the negative messages we hear can be sticky, attaching to our psyches and continuing to affect us even decades later. Our minds are often the longest captives of toxic relationships. But that doesn’t mean we can never be completely free. I’ve seen hundreds of people manage to free their minds from their past relationships in my work as a clinical psychologist. While the work is never quick or easy, it can be tremendously rewarding. The following principles can be very helpful in the final phase of liberation.Keep in mind that it takes time to retrain your brain. You’re a work in progress. Messages you received throughout childhood can be especially long-lived.
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